Letting Go
by ChoButterfly
Summary: Hotohori contemplates hi loves, and ifnally learns what's in his heart.


Title: Letting Go  
Author: Cho  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Hotohori... Badly, I do, but I don't. Or the other FY characters... *sob*  
NOTE: The only thing I've ever seen of Fushigi Yugi are the manga 1, 2, 3, and 4... So this is my view of Hotohori thinking about Miaka, up to the book 4. But.. It takes place somewhere in book 3. So, bear with me, if I say some really dumb stuff, because I'm just a new little FY lover! Never fear, one day I'll actually write something of value!!! Sorry it's so short!!!  
Just remember that, please! *laughs* Oh, yea, any comments can be e-mail to Jubug_2000@yahoo.com.... Please, please comment!!!  
  
  
I don't know what it was that made me fall in love with her. She had been in my dreams ever since I knew of her existence; maybe even before. But, that wasn't what caught me off guard, made me into putty in her hands. I think it was her sweet smile, enormous heart, and head-strong personality that made me love her. She was so good to me, always. She was always there for me, cheering me up when I was sad, offering a smile when nobody else would. She cared, she really did. And I loved her for it.   
  
I think it was a sign of the gods that she came to me. They wanted me to destroy all the bitter emptiness inside my heart. Whenever I was around my precious angel fallen from another world, I felt warm and safe. I would cradle her body in my arms, and vow to give everything I had for her. I would give her the moon, the stars, the sky. Everything, just for her.  
  
But... Does she return her feelings to me? I've seen the way she looks at him. A longing in her eyes every time she hears his name. Why?  
  
Why must the only person I've ever loved... why must her heart belong to someone else?  
  
I will win her back. She will come to me, speak my name, and love me. I will find a way for her to see how much I care, and, I pray, that someday, she'll love me too.  
  
~*~  
  
  
Miaka ran a playful wrist through her hair, laughing to herself as she walked down the deserted hallway. It was dark, and she was near certain that nobody else would be looming outside their bedrooms at this time of night. Everyone, well, except for her. She didn't know what had compelled her to take a stroll along the East walkway that led to the inner palace gardens. All she knew was that the pale silken moon and cool night air calmed her senses. She picked up her feet gently, then stopped short.   
  
Was that another sound of footsteps behind her? She looked back, but nothing was there. She shrugged, assuming it was some nocturnal creature, emerging from the shadows to find prey. There it was again. She halted, unaware of the pair of eyes that were upon her. Before she could turn around, she found a hand resting gently on her shoulder. Before she had any time to react, the hand spun her around, as she turned to stare into a pair of deep azure eyes. She blinked, mouth rested in a small expression of shock, but was soon exchanged for a look of more compassion. She whispered his name delicately  
  
"Tamahome..."   
  
He smiled, wrapping his arms around her slim waist. He licked his lips, mischeivous grin upon his face.  
  
"What are you doing out so late at night? Gone to meet some secret lover that I don't know of?" he joked, pulling her small frame closer to him, so their noses touched.  
  
Miaka grinned, "There's always that slight possibility, you know.." she whispered, coy smile adorning her lips. Tamahome smiled, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"Well, all said and done, I'm sure none of them have lips as tempting.." he finished the sentence by placing a passionate kiss upon her mouth. Her brought her closer, running a hand through her wispy strands of chestnut hair.  
  
~*~  
  
Hotohori sighed, eyes cast down, as he ambled slowly down the West walkway. He was certain nobody else would be up, so he could head down to the gardens to get away from the longing inside of him. Even though he'd suffer because he wouldn't be with Miaka, at least he wouldn't be with Miaka when she looked at Tamahome the way she did. He couldn't bear it any longer. So, with a last sigh of regret, he cast his eyes upwards, still walking patiently. He turned the corner, so that now that garden was laid out like a picture before him, each scent and feeling relaxing his nerves. He stopped a moment to admire the garden before he began his approach..  
  
But, what was this? What fortune! He caught his breath, as he saw Miaka cautiously step into the garden, much as a gentle doe would carefully place her next step in unknown territory. The moonlight reflected in such a way off her body that a pale white aura seemed to glow from within herself. She looked absolutely gorgeous, like a goddess to his eyes. He smiled, content. Now was his chance to talk to her! Quietly, he cleared his throat, about to move forward, but stopped, holding his hand to his mouth to muffle the sound of his cough. He watched as Miaka turned around, looking into the eyes of...  
  
Tamahome. No, this could not be possible! Was fate so cruel? Indeed, it was, but the young emperor could not take eyes off her. He watched as the two exchanged words, and, to his utter shock and dismay, saw with dejected eyes as she leaned in to kiss him. He held his breath, feeling as a pressured anguished washing over himself, his chest growing tight in resentment. He turned around, hands balled up into fists of despair, and sunk down behind the wall.  
  
'What a fool I was, thinking she would even look upon me as she does him! I already knew long ago that she loved him.. Who was I kidding? Oh, but it hurts, it hurts...' He wanted to rush in on the two, grab his sword, and drive it through Tamahome, right now. But, what good would that do? He sighed, and walked back to his room in such pain that he neglected to notice both Miaka and Tamahome catching a glimpse of his sorrowed face as he softly closed the door behind him.  
  
~*~  
  
Miaka was awakened the next morning by a gentle knock at the door. Rubbing her eyes, she slipped out of bed, stumbling towards the door. She opened it carefully, but never got the chance to see who it was. He held her head gently in his hands, kissing the top of her forehead. As he let go, Miaka turned her face up to look at him.  
  
"Hotohori, what...?" Miaka whispered, confused look framed on her features.  
  
With a weak smile, Hotohori placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. He closed his eyes, turned arund, and began to walk away. Disconcerted, Miaka held onto the door, watching as he left, looking for an explanation. She heard his last words as he rounded the corner of the hallway.  
  
"Just my way of letting go."  



End file.
